All of my clients know that if they come up with a staff issue we’ve never seen before, they get chocolates.
It is with deepest regret (and some disbelief) that I have to announce: the 2025 award has already been won.
A client, a manufacturing company, rang with what they thought was a simple query:
“Can we issue a warning without doing a disciplinary meeting?”
“Why don’t you want to do the meeting?”
“He has mental health issues, and we don’t want to push him over the edge.”
So far, so cautious. But then I asked:
“Okay, what exactly has he done?”
Here’s where the jaw dropped: the employee, male, 10 years’ service, had made himself a spear.
His explanation? It was a Dungeons & Dragons prop.
Except—it wasn’t. It was a genuine, lethal weapon: half-foot steel tip, solid wooden shaft. Under the Offensive Weapons Act 2019 and other legislation, totally illegal.
And the reason he was “in a bad place”? His long-term girlfriend had a one-night stand. They’re staying together anyway because neither can afford to move out.
At this point, every woman reading this is already thinking: was he going to threaten her, hurt her, maybe worse?
The employer’s response?
“Oh no, he’s a lovely person, we’ve never had a problem in ten years.”
Really? This “lovely person” is apparently so fragile that even an investigation meeting could push him over the edge—yet you think he’s perfectly safe to be walking around with a homemade spear? Without telling his girlfriend or the police?
It was only when I pointed out the reputational damage—if he did harm her, and it came out that he made the weapon on their premises, during work time—that the penny finally dropped.
So yes, the prize is awarded: both for the staff issue and for employer delusion.
If someone has made an illegal weapon, they’re not doing it to play knights with their nephews. They’re doing it to hurt someone. And you’d better hope it’s not you.
