One of the worst things you can be as a manager?
Offended.
And unfortunately, it happens all too often.
An employee goes off sick when you’re already short-staffed. You think it’s a personal attack on you.
They complain about something you’ve done. You’re defensive.
They don’t follow an instruction. You’re sure they’re deliberately disrespecting you.
They raise a grievance. Now you’re sure it’s a personal attack.
Rather than asking “What actually happened?”, you immediately jump to “How dare they?”
My advice? Stop. You’re their manager, not their friend.
You’re there to manage a business or a team, or part of one, and inevitably, that’ll mean having to manage people who behave in ways you don’t like.
The cruel reality of this world is that people are all different, and – even with the best of intentions – you can’t be liked by or get on with everyone.
But regardless of who they are, where they’re from or what their world view is, your task doesn’t change: you need to manage them properly.
Being offended is a serious barrier to that, and it’s something we see all the time.
Something happens and, before anyone has properly established the facts, the manager has already decided that it’s completely unacceptable and that the employee in question clearly has no respect.
When this happens in the businesses we work with, my advice is always the same:
Manage the behaviour, rather than your feelings about the behaviour.
If an employee has done something wrong, you need to deal with it. But – to the best of your ability – do it without bias or emotion, with a plan, a clear process, and a level head.
Three things worth bearing in mind if you’re struggling with this:
1. Employees are allowed to disagree with you.
That doesn’t automatically mean they’re being disrespectful.
They’re allowed to raise a grievance, request flexible working and struggle with their mental health, and none of those things is a personal attack on you.
Sometimes the employee will be wrong. Sometimes you will be wrong.
Good management means figuring out which one it is without turning the whole thing into a battle of personalities.
2. Anger is not your friend.
It’s easy to respond emotionally, but it’s not smart. It results in you making comments you shouldn’t, sending emails that should stay in drafts, or treating people differently, which immediately opens up issues from an HR perspective.
If an employee has made you angry, you need to stop being angry before you respond.
Work out what needs to happen next, get the facts, follow the process. Then respond.
3. Grow up and manage
Yes, that sounds harsh, but that’s life.
Being a manager is a privilege, and with it comes a responsibility to manage properly, fairly and legally, whatever the circumstances, and whatever you’re feeling inside.
Your job is not to win; it’s to manage.
So next time an employee does something that makes your blood boil, resist the angry email, put the personal feelings to one side and ask yourself one simple question:
“What would I do here if I wasn’t offended?”
It’ll be a better next step than whatever your natural inclination is.
